Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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