I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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