we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
