goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
