im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
