Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
