I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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