Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
