I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him