Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed