I met the friendliest cop last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here