dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups