Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ketchup is God's man juice
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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