dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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