I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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