Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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