saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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