Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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