No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I look better un-naked...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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