I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You dont lie about slip and slides
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
