apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize