I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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