im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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