Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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