I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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