I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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