Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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