Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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