need another drink. this is the easiest way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
