3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
