oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
