I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize