I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
