Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
