When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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