Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way