You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!