Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.