You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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