Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
