8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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