Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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