I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize