i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
