There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize