I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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