Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
