Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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