we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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