The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
