theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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