yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
