Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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