i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
