New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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